Kristen Graves is a woman of passion and hope, she writes with an expectation of change. This is written from her life experiences of growing up in the church as a PK. Kristen emphasizes hope for the hopeless.
As for me and my house– Joshua 24:15
At my home growing up guess what? The fact that you were a living soul you went to church on a regular basis. Today I have no complaints about being made to go to church because I’ve gained beautiful memories as well as not so good memories. Every memory, lesson, and experience has brought me to this very moment of sharing. My father always emphasized that the choice was not ours when it came to church, there was no “I think I will stay home and chill tonight” because it wasn’t an option. Though strict in many ways my father has always been a man of great love, I never doubted his love…..except for the times he exercised spare the rod spoils the child. Even then, I realized that: I was still precious in his eyes... as we all were. Being raised in a household of six children could be hectic at times but never dull.
Mom always read to us and invested much time which ignited our passion and imagination for reading and writing. Out of the seven days of the week, we went to church Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday. Sunday, however consisted of two services morning and evening. Sometimes three if we had an afternoon program. In addition, one of those days was reserved for choir rehearsal, so actually we were in church four days out of the week. The picture I am trying to paint here is that most Pentecostal preachers and pastors sincerely led their homes in this fashion. This was to ensure their household of salvation in the present or future. It was often quoted- Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. ... Proverbs 22:6.
In other words, they will embrace the church's teachings now or later.
There were places we could not go like: the movies, ball games, dances. There were things we couldn’t wear such as pants, (if you were a girl) make-up, big earrings. These things were considered worldly and not spiritual. The rules alone made the preacher’s kid a target of ridicule and social rejection among their peers. But we survived it all, we always knew that home and church with our family and friends were the places we’d find refuge and acceptance.
Today it’s not nearly as strict for PK’s but they all suffer or have suffered with Identity crisis. Struggling to meet others expectations as opposed to being true to themselves.
The preachers/ pastors children often are overwhelmed with trying to be perfect they become introverts, wounded souls, hypocrites, and rebels. Unfortunately, lack of wisdom has caused many Christians to be deficient where insight is needed. Some fail to recognize....." PK’s are humans too".
I want to share with you some of the scars the preacher’s children may have.
1. Introversion- Most people think of introvert as being shy but this is not necessarily true, although an introvert can be shy, it is not the definition of an introvert. Introverts generally don’t like being around others, they like being alone with their thoughts and feelings. They won’t share because they fear the judgment of others. Many of them have already brought” shame” to the church and have been talked about and ridiculed. They become introverts and find safety in their secrets. They can’t be transparent because it would disappoint those who have higher expectations of them. (Sometimes man’s expectations are so extreme they are not lined up with God’s expectations). God’s expectations are high but not extreme.
The introvert loves the word of God passionately but never seems to progress spiritually; first because they can’t forgive themselves second because they start to believe the negative gossip that has circulated in the church about them.
I am going to take this brief intermission to shut the mouth of the Gain Sayers.
I am in no way bashing the church, because we are the body of Christ the beloved of God.
Just as the natural body gets sick so does the spiritual body and needs healing. I am simply delivering medication so we can function as we ought to. Can you imagine how effective church ministries would be if the saints children were loosed from church ridicule? Let us as the church embrace with compassion and wisdom. Being raised in the church has made me keen to many things and even as I write I know that there will be those who will classify the statement-“embrace with compassion and wisdom”, as weak doctrine that allows anything and everything to function in the church. I say to those people that it’s quite the contrary. This powerful revelation will break chains and set captives free!
This is what the church is all about so what better way to begin than with our own children. They are the ones who are going to reach this generation. God is saying-“loose them and break the chains!”
I am going to take this brief intermission to shut the mouth of the Gain Sayers.
I am in no way bashing the church, because we are the body of Christ the beloved of God.
Just as the natural body gets sick so does the spiritual body and needs healing. I am simply delivering medication so we can function as we ought to. Can you imagine how effective church ministries would be if the saints children were loosed from church ridicule? Let us as the church embrace with compassion and wisdom. Being raised in the church has made me keen to many things and even as I write I know that there will be those who will classify the statement-“embrace with compassion and wisdom”, as weak doctrine that allows anything and everything to function in the church. I say to those people that it’s quite the contrary. This powerful revelation will break chains and set captives free!
This is what the church is all about so what better way to begin than with our own children. They are the ones who are going to reach this generation. God is saying-“loose them and break the chains!”
2. Wounded souls - A wounded soul is powerless against pity, defeat doubt, suicide, and addiction. This person has accepted defeat as a part of life and goes on through life with the motions of survival not possessing real joy or happiness. They only exist because someone is interceding on their behalf. The wounded soul will come to church receive prayer occasionally, they will even cry at the altar but it’s usually because they feel sorry for themselves not for their sins. You may be wondering how this person became this wounded soul. Often they have witnessed hypocrisy in someone they’ve held in high esteem, this can cut deep because it causes doubt, anger, betrayal, and rejection. Their soul is in torment because they don’t really know what to believe or who to believe. Sometimes a glimpse of hope tries to peek through but the wound is too deep and doubt pulls hope back down.
It is time for the church to arise, leave pettiness behind shake the doors of imprisonment, and demand Satan to loose what belongs to us. Before the church can do this, first we must acknowledge that our error helped to create the chaos.
Think of it this way, when the natural body feels sick we try to think of what we could have done to cause this sickness. Was it something you ate or didn’t eat was I in an unhealthy element? We began to back track, to figure out what brought about this sickness.If we discover the cause we take precautions not to repeat those actions again.
Not every condition is a result of human error but a great deal of it is. When we look at it spiritually, make sure you've inflicted no wounds to the soul of anyone. And if by chance you did, please free that individual by starting the process of healing :by acknowledging it, repenting and ask forgiveness.
Not every condition is a result of human error but a great deal of it is. When we look at it spiritually, make sure you've inflicted no wounds to the soul of anyone. And if by chance you did, please free that individual by starting the process of healing :by acknowledging it, repenting and ask forgiveness.
As a preacher, pastor, and Christian you may never know what encounters your child/children have experienced in the church. My dad always says- “the devil goes to church too.”
Listen to your children when they have reservations about a brother or sister in the church; there may be some validity to it.
Listen to your children when they have reservations about a brother or sister in the church; there may be some validity to it.
The preacher’s kid sees how busy their parents are, how they stay up late listening, and counseling with others. The last thing they want to do is add to their parents stress, they keep silent. The result is: the wounds grow deeper and deeper. The wounded spirit doesn’t always leave the church; sometimes it’s the usher, the praise and worship leader, the organist, drummer, even the preacher. If you have any discernment at all, you will know some have a greater ability to camouflage than others do. Until those chains are broken those individuals never reach a peak in their ministries.
3. Hypocrite: Unfortunately, many pk’s fall into this bracket pretending to be something or someone they are not! They are afraid to reveal their true self so they take on the role of perfection and act the part. Sad to say, eventually many begin to think that it’s OK to be this way. As long as I keep others smiling and happy, I will play the role. This is the mentality of many children raised in the pastor/preachers household. I know that every pk does not turn out scarred and messed up however many do. We must learn to understand the ones who have fallen prey to these cunning tactics of the enemy.
4. Rebellion: anything that remotely resembles the church or religion they will rebel against because to them it represents bondage. They see the church as a tool that represses fun, reality and progression. They view it as a judgment station where pious people look down on the flawed.
Though the church may not be how they perceive it to be: yet their experiences have been unaddressed by wise and discerning counsel.
Yes, deliverance can and will come but why delay it. I believe even those whom have tried to detach themselves from the church remain attached in the sense that: The seed of God’s word has been planted and with proper nourishment, growth will come. The first task is deliverance then growth. That’s why I write so fervently I see the pressing need of deliverance among us. Let us seek to resurrect those souls that are dying among us daily. It will come to pass and what a powerful force to be reckoned with.
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Yes, deliverance can and will come but why delay it. I believe even those whom have tried to detach themselves from the church remain attached in the sense that: The seed of God’s word has been planted and with proper nourishment, growth will come. The first task is deliverance then growth. That’s why I write so fervently I see the pressing need of deliverance among us. Let us seek to resurrect those souls that are dying among us daily. It will come to pass and what a powerful force to be reckoned with.
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